3 Strikes You're Out

I recently went through a difficult break up. Before you jump to any conclusions, this blog isn't intended to be used as a punching bag where I come to work off all my anger toward men. In my opinion, blogging about your ex boyfriend and trashing him on the internet is wrong. Many people would cringe at the thought of murder, but they don't think twice about assassinating someone's character by ripping them apart and tarnishing their good name. That being said, my ex is a good man. Even though break ups are hard for a lot of reasons, the pain would be in vain if we were not able to glean any lessons from the experience. Something I enjoyed about my last relationship was that he DATED me. Here are some of the things we did frequently: We would go to the Temple, get ice cream, go on walks, read books together, put on game nights with other couples, watch movies, go bowling, and attend church activities.


I have posted a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks entitled "Dating versus Hanging Out" and I think it deserves more attention that it has been given. Elder Oaks counsels young men: 

"Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase yields a good prospect, proceed to courtship. It’s marriage time. That is what the Lord intends for His young adult sons and daughters. Men have the initiative, and you men should get on with it. If you don’t know what a date is, perhaps this definition will help. I heard it from my 18-year-old granddaughter. A “date” must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off."


"Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent."


Some of my favorite memories from my last relationship involved sitting on a park bench and talking about our childhoods, going for a walk down Main Street with ice cream from Dairy Queen, and reading a good book and discussing it together. I loved that we were able to spent small amounts of time together throughout the week and it is probably the glue that held us together for almost a year. It helped deepen our friendship :)


"Don’t make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don’t subsidize freeloaders. An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.If you do this, you should also hang up a sign, “Will open for individual dates,” or something like that."


I've returned to the single scene and noticed a lot of hanging out going on...This is what has inspired the title of this post. I've been thinking of how I might "lock the pantry and bolt the front door." I want to follow the prophet's counsel and I want to be with someone who also follows that counsel. So I've developed the "3 Strikes You're Out" Rule. Girls will spend MONTHS fixated on one guy who never asks her on a date. She will drive him (and his friends) around, cook for him (and his friends), plan activities for him (and his friends). It is possible that this guy really has no interest in her as more than an acquaintance, but I don't want to be THAT girl--it's a waste of time and energy and it's hard to move past the point of "acquaintance" to good friend. I think 3 hang out opportunities is enough room for a guy to ask a girl out. Hence, after 3 tries I will consider the boy "out" and move along. I would invite my other single lady friends to try this rule too and let me know how it works! This should be enough to either weed out the men who haven't "grown up" or it should help encourage them to do so. Let me know if you are on board and keep me posted on your progress. 


"And, young women, please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date. Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious. If we are to persuade young men to ask for dates more frequently, we must establish a mutual expectation that to go on a date is not to imply a continuing commitment. Finally, young women, if you turn down a date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt some other sister."


"My single young friends, we counsel you to channel your associations with the opposite sex into dating patterns that have the potential to mature into marriage, not hanging-out patterns that only have the prospect to mature into team sports like touch football. Marriage is not a group activity—at least, not until the children come along in goodly numbers."


That being said, I would like the men reading this blog to know that I want to get married. HOWEVER, I don't want to marry any of you--at least not yet. I want to date and make lots of friends out of the acquaintances that I have made and continue to make. If one of those friendships blossoms into a romance, great! So...ask me out! I am good with a quick trip to the ice cream store :) And if you don't think I'm cool then it wasn't a huge waste of your time, money, and energy! 

Speaking to single sisters of the church, he states:

"If you are just marking time waiting for a marriage prospect, stop waiting. You may never have the opportunity for a suitable marriage in this life, so stop waiting and start moving. Prepare yourself for life—even a single life—by education, experience, and planning. Don’t wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek it out in service and learning. Make a life for yourself. And trust in the Lord. Follow King Benjamin’s advice to call “on the name of the Lord daily, and [stand] steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come” (Mosiah 4:11)."

I have so many plans for myself and I am thrilled! I'm one of those girls who will be in school as long as circumstances will permit and my New Year's Resolution is to love better!